Friendster and Ex-es

jojie doesn't have a friendster account. the reason he doesn't is because when i set up one for him several months ago, the girl i used to hate so much "be-friendstered" him that we ended up fighting. sa sobra naming away, he just asked me to delete his account. :)

so he's not really in the know when it comes to friendster. the other night though, since i wasn't in the mood to work, i surfed friendster and i showed him the profiles of his barkada. he was so aliw reading the profiles that we spent a couple of hours just looking through his friends' sites.

syempre pag may mga friends and schoolmates, there is abound to be an ex somewhere. sa kaka-surf namin, and dami kong nahanap na mga ex niya ("ex" here may refer to an ex-girlfriend, an ex-friend, an ex-fling, etc). and surprisingly, jojie was more open to me that night than any other night with regards to this particular girl that i'm so curious about.

L was jojie's fling back in college. she wasn't a girlfriend nor a ka-MU so i guess fling lang talaga yung term na pwede kong magamit. since hindi naman siya ex-gf, wala talaga akong pakialam sa kanya until one night a couple of years ago when we attended a party and her name came up (actually lasing na si don paul nun, yung best man ni jojie, at kung anu-ano na yung nasasabi). i wouldn't have paid attention but jojie's facial expression changed when paul mentioned her name kaya i knew that something was up. so when we got home that night, i bombarded jojie with questions and i discovered na siya yung girl na matagal ko nang gustong malaman yung pangalan. buti na lang sinabi ni paul so nalaman ko nga.

and although L is in the past, way past, we argued about her. talk about being selosa and paranoid (he doesn't communicate naman with her... haaay!)

anyway, fast forward to the other night. i was so surprised that after years of making him kulit about her and what really happened, he finally told me. and it hurt. it hurt so much. but i dealt with it. he asked me if i were jealous and i said no (i wasn't jealous, i was hurt so i wasn't lying when i told him i wasn't.). he assured me that what happened was in the past and that he loves me so much. i know that but it still hurts.

how does one deal with his loved one's past? i jut tell myself that well, past is past and i can't do anything about the things he did when we didn't know each other yet. it's not that i haven't accepted his past; it's just that thinking about it still hurts me. is that so wrong?

i am dealing with it. and i know that jojie loves me to death.

at the same time, i'm very thankful that he, at last, told me what happened. at least now i know and i won't be so paranoid. actually what i imagined was way worse than what really happened so in a way, i feel relieved. still, it hurts.

i know i will deal with this. i have to.