on having a baby

Whenever I meet someone new (be it a bride, a groom, a starbucks barista, or a taxi driver), I always get asked if I'm married. When I say yes, the next question is always if I already have a baby. My standard answer would be "Wala pa. Mukha lang." Then I'll smile. More often than not, the person would laugh. If I'm in luck, the questioning would stop. If not, next question would be "Eh bakit wala pa? Gaano na ba kayo katagal kasal?" I would answer "Two and half years po" and then, believe me, a barrage of (I'm sure) supposed-to-be well-meaning badgering about my biological clock (oh yeah, isa pa pala sa tanong ay kung ilang taon na ako) would ensue. The person would tell me to stop working and to have a baby NOW NA. The joys of motherhood will be explained and I would just smile. Dati sinasabi ko pang "Nag-iipon pa po kasi." Pero nagsawa na rin ako sa "Naku, eh baka masyado kang yumaman!" So ngayon, my standard answer is "Naku, baka mapa-anak ako sa kasal. Hindi pwedeng ma-agawan ng eksena ang bride!" More often that not, that will end it.

Don't get me wrong. As I said, I'm sure these are all well-meaning badgerings. Even my friends, as in closest friends, and my family, ask me sometimes. Ang kaibahan lang, kilala nila ako, and they support what I want. Nakakainis lang when they make me kulit when I don't even know what I want. :(

Oh yeah, I want to have a baby. Not sure if that's now or two years from now. And yes, natatakot ako sa biological clock. Believe me. But I'm scared. Feeling ko super daming changes na mangyayari na baka hindi ko kayanin. I even asked my mom if it will be worth it and she said that it will be. And looking at my friends, I know having a baby will be worth all the sacrifices and the pagod. Love na love nila yung babies nila eh na I'm super touched whenever I see them.

Haaaay! I don't know. Last month, I thought I was pregnant and mejo natakot ako kasi that would mean baka manganak ako ng July eh wedding yun ng isang supplier na kami magko-coordinate. Sabi ng isang friend ko, next year na lang daw ako magpabuntis, pero naisip ko na wedding naman un ng sister ni Melissa Ferrer-Litao. Haaaaay! (Weird my concerns no? Hahaha!)

Another concern pala is I know how much the kapalpakan of a parent can ruin a child's life (kasi yung clients ko dati minsan gusto ko nang i-adopt kasi super palpak yung mga magulang) and I don't want that to happen to my kid. Pero alam ko rin naman that every mom just does best and just hopes that whatever that is, is totoong the best.

Oh well! Kung ano man, I'll just let God do the decision for me. Honestly, I'm okay with not having a baby. I'm super happy right now and getting happier every day. But I'm also excited at the thought of having one. Hahaha! Sabi naman ni Mama, as long as klaro kami ni Jojie sa gusto namin, be it having a baby or not having a baby, then everything will be okay.

:)

P.S. Sorry but one thing I hated pala was when a couple actually asked me if I could state it in my contract na hindi ako mabubuntis during the duration of their preps. Buti na lang I didn't lose my cool. I mean, wala ako balak mag-baby pa talag during that time pero nagulat lang talaga ako. I know, I know, it's their wedding pero hindi ba over yun? I wonder tuloy if they also asked that from their other suppliers. Hmmm...

Oh I know...

Warning: This post is a product of just continuous typing so I don't even know if it makes sense. :)


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Yeah, I know it's been ages since I've last posted. I've been meaning to but there would always be something more important to do...


It's almost 3:00 am. Jojie is already asleep. I'm finishing something for a bride and I promised myself I won't sleep without finishing it first. I just finished it and I can sleep now but before shutting down my laptop, I checked my personal email first and I got this comment from Nadia. She commented on my last post.

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Hi Clarice!


This is one of those nights when I'm on an out of town assignment and only the internet can make me sleepy. But then I chanced upon your blog while browsing Veluz',so I ended up staying awake all night, enjoying your insights.

Some of your entries have given me a stinging reminder about compassion, some have made me laugh and realize that I shouldn't take some things too seriously. Some just made me a fan. Hehe. Funny how even after my wedding, life still finds a way for you to help me organize and de-clutter-- without you even knowing it, hehehe.

Oh yeah, I've been meaning to tell you pala how Dax and I get a kick out of telling my chupitero Dad na kilala namin yung nagsusulat ng investment advice that he takes as gospel truth sa pagbili ng stocks. Parati ko sinasabi na asawa yung nung wedding coordinator ko and he would just say ganun ba?--- although ilang beses ko na yung sinasabi sa kanya hehehe. Buti na nga lang bullish ang stockmarket lately kaya parati niyang sinasabi, buti na lang sinunod ko yung stock pick ng Abacus. Mwahahaha.


O siya yun lang. Sobra kong natuwa talaga sa blog mo. Wishing you and Jojie all the best...


:)


Nadia

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Sobra ako natuwa. Funny how everytime I even consider changing jobs, a bride (or a former bride) would make me remember that what I do helps them, even in just little ways. Goodness knows I get tired. Sometimes, the never-ending stress of wedding preps gets to me. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy what I do and I LOVE my brides pero exagg the stress minsan. It's my job to shield the bride from the stress kahit papano so in the process, I absorb it. It helps a super lot that I was trained to be a counselor. It also helps that I seem to have a personality which easily puts people at ease (siguro part ng pagiging psychologist). My mom keeps telling me to take it slow. Jojie has told me several times to stop and to just finish the weddings I've lined up kasi nga naman we never had a normal life together (no weekends, meetings at night, phone calls at 12midnight from frantic brides, everything has to be planned like six months in advance, I don't get to attend any family events, etc.).

Sometimes, I just want to curl up and cry. Pero di ba nga, may three minute rule? Three minutes lang pwede mag-self-pity? And miraculously, before that three minute is up (syempre metaphorical ito ha), a bride just pops out of the blue to make me remember how much I love this job. Ang galing no?


Si Nadia was my 4th bride. Her wedding was in Hacienda Isabella na, take note, umulan. That was a really unforgettable wedding. First time kong nagtuyo ng kutsara at tinidor sa kitchen para makakain na yung guests. Nag-distribute din ako ng kubyertos at nag-set ng table.


Nadia is an ABS-CBN reporter while Dax was a writer for Inquirer during the time of their wedding so karamihan ng guests nila media people. Mabuti na lang media sila at sanay sa cowboy way of living. Hiyang-hiya ako nun kasi we couldn't even provide dry chairs for the guests. Oh yeah, that was also the first time na nag-sindi ako ng fireworks for the fireworks display. Masyado kasi mahal pag nagpa-OOT pa kami sa fireworks supplier so bumili kami ng light-it-yourself (sorry, kuripot na coordinator). Nung sisindihan na, nawala yung waiter na dapat magsindi so ako yung nagsindi. Ang masakit nun, ang hirap nang sindihan nung susunod na set kasi hindi na ako makalapit! Hahaha!

That wedding made me realize though that having a perfect wedding doesn't just depend on immaculate setup or having a six layer cake; it depends on the couple and the guests. And with the right attitude, even a garden wedding "ruined" by rain can be really wonderful.

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Hi Nads!

I hope you don't mind that I posted your comment on my blog. :)

Thank you so much for dropping by and for perking me up at this time of the night! :)

Alam mo sa lahat ng naging brides ko, ikaw ata yung pinakamadalas kong makasalubong, makabangga, at makita. Hehehe!

Thank you for your comment. I super appreciated it. I was post-hopping through my blog and I realized na ang dami-dami-dami ko na palang nasulat tungkol sa kung anu-ano and it never occurred to me that people actually read my blog. Hahaha! Feeling ko sumusulat lang ako sa sarili ko... parang diary! Mwahahaha!!

Alam mo, for some reason, reading your comment made me want to seriously consider the hobbies and other things that I've been wanting to pursue. Gusto ko mag-tutor for free uli sa public school students, gusto ko mag-photography, gusto ko mag-bake uli, gusto kong matapos yung kurtinang dalawang taon ko nang tinatahi... hahaha! Funny how a simple comment from you inspired me to explore new things.

When you come to think of it, ang galing kasi kahit na I coordinated your wedding, Jojie and I got married just a few months before you and Dax did. So I realized na we're in the same life stage. Ang saya no?

O cia, mahaba na ito. Masyado nang OA yung reply ko. Haha!

Thank you, Nadia. *hugs*

:)

Clarice

I miss my friends

I know I have Jojie and I'm really happy with him (I actually have an unfinished blog post about how happy I am with my marriage). We talk all the time and I am able to tell him anything and everything. I am also able to tell him if I get hurt with something he does or if I'm irritated with him. But I still miss my friends.

I miss Candice, one of my closest friends and my maid of honor. She's taking up her residency in California right now and although we email and chat once in a while, I miss her terribly. Pag may problema ako, siya pa rin lang yung nasasabihan ko. Kakatawa nga kasi pag nagkikita kami sa chat at napapakuwento ako, I almost always end up crying.

I miss Kat, my "oldest" friend (we've been friends since grade school). She and her husband Dex migrated to the UK. I know she's very happy but the selfish part of me wanted her to stay. Alam mo yun, yung hindi naman kayo nagkikita pag andito kayong dalawa kasi super busy kayo pareho but you realize that you miss your friend when she's gone.

I miss Emily, also one of my closest from college. Emily and Candice were both my barkada in college. Ems is now in France, married to Tony and taking care of their little boy, the super duper gwapo Angelo.

I miss Michelle, my best friend in high school. Jojie and I met through her (siya kasi yung crush talaga ni Jojie). We kinda just... drifted apart and I feel sad and guilty, too, because I didn't make more effort to sustain our friendship.

I miss Jonathan, my guy best friend. Yeah, anjan pa rin siya sa tabi-tabi but we seldom talk to each other now unlike before when we talked almost everyday and until midnight or even until the wee hours of the morning.

I miss Dowa, my wedding-theme buddy, my partner in coordination, my W@Wie sister. She's in Malaysia right now and I know that she's really happy there, especially with Iaree.

I miss Kat-Kat, my closest friend in AC. I miss talking to her about anything and everything.
But then, I have still some of my old friends and several new friends now.

I have Abie, my W@Wie sister, my partner in coordination, my Mang Boy-buddy, my Divi-friend, my super-kasundo-in-everything-can-talk-about-anything friend.

I have Maye who used to be my super malditang kapatid but with whom I've grown closer since I got married (read: left the house). Hehehe!

I have my team... Mitch, Marielle, Au, Mac... whom I spend so much time with that from mere teammates, we've grown to be friends.

I have Tisha, my event stylist for my wedding and still my favorite event stylist in the world! She and I can talk about so many stuff... weddings, married life, the future, politics, movies, other people... mwehehehe! chismisan pala yung ginagawa!

I have Mama na forever naman talagang anjan. Love you, Mama! Mwah!

I guess, life really is this way. You gain friends, you lose friends. People come and go. But everyone I meet leaves an imprint in my life and touches me in a way only that person can.

:)