on having a baby

Whenever I meet someone new (be it a bride, a groom, a starbucks barista, or a taxi driver), I always get asked if I'm married. When I say yes, the next question is always if I already have a baby. My standard answer would be "Wala pa. Mukha lang." Then I'll smile. More often than not, the person would laugh. If I'm in luck, the questioning would stop. If not, next question would be "Eh bakit wala pa? Gaano na ba kayo katagal kasal?" I would answer "Two and half years po" and then, believe me, a barrage of (I'm sure) supposed-to-be well-meaning badgering about my biological clock (oh yeah, isa pa pala sa tanong ay kung ilang taon na ako) would ensue. The person would tell me to stop working and to have a baby NOW NA. The joys of motherhood will be explained and I would just smile. Dati sinasabi ko pang "Nag-iipon pa po kasi." Pero nagsawa na rin ako sa "Naku, eh baka masyado kang yumaman!" So ngayon, my standard answer is "Naku, baka mapa-anak ako sa kasal. Hindi pwedeng ma-agawan ng eksena ang bride!" More often that not, that will end it.

Don't get me wrong. As I said, I'm sure these are all well-meaning badgerings. Even my friends, as in closest friends, and my family, ask me sometimes. Ang kaibahan lang, kilala nila ako, and they support what I want. Nakakainis lang when they make me kulit when I don't even know what I want. :(

Oh yeah, I want to have a baby. Not sure if that's now or two years from now. And yes, natatakot ako sa biological clock. Believe me. But I'm scared. Feeling ko super daming changes na mangyayari na baka hindi ko kayanin. I even asked my mom if it will be worth it and she said that it will be. And looking at my friends, I know having a baby will be worth all the sacrifices and the pagod. Love na love nila yung babies nila eh na I'm super touched whenever I see them.

Haaaay! I don't know. Last month, I thought I was pregnant and mejo natakot ako kasi that would mean baka manganak ako ng July eh wedding yun ng isang supplier na kami magko-coordinate. Sabi ng isang friend ko, next year na lang daw ako magpabuntis, pero naisip ko na wedding naman un ng sister ni Melissa Ferrer-Litao. Haaaaay! (Weird my concerns no? Hahaha!)

Another concern pala is I know how much the kapalpakan of a parent can ruin a child's life (kasi yung clients ko dati minsan gusto ko nang i-adopt kasi super palpak yung mga magulang) and I don't want that to happen to my kid. Pero alam ko rin naman that every mom just does best and just hopes that whatever that is, is totoong the best.

Oh well! Kung ano man, I'll just let God do the decision for me. Honestly, I'm okay with not having a baby. I'm super happy right now and getting happier every day. But I'm also excited at the thought of having one. Hahaha! Sabi naman ni Mama, as long as klaro kami ni Jojie sa gusto namin, be it having a baby or not having a baby, then everything will be okay.

:)

P.S. Sorry but one thing I hated pala was when a couple actually asked me if I could state it in my contract na hindi ako mabubuntis during the duration of their preps. Buti na lang I didn't lose my cool. I mean, wala ako balak mag-baby pa talag during that time pero nagulat lang talaga ako. I know, I know, it's their wedding pero hindi ba over yun? I wonder tuloy if they also asked that from their other suppliers. Hmmm...