on leaving home

i helped my brother (read: did everything myself) with his project the other day. the next day, when he came home from school, he said that the teacher complimented his project and said it was actually the best in the class. :)

being the eldest, i am actually used to doing stuff for dindon and maye. "stuff" includes homeworks, projects, making them hatid, cooking them food, making sure they're okay if my parents are not around, etc. and now that i'm leaving home in a few months, i realize that i'm going to miss helping
dindon with his homework, laughing with maye about the pictures we see in friendster, talking to dindon about high school crushes, making chismis with maye about our high school acquaintances, etc. although bernard and i will just live near here, things will be very different come december 18.

being the OC that i am, i also worry about lots of other things here at home, like, who will update the virus definition of the PC, who will lay-out and edit mama's reports, who will type papa's documents. mundane things that i am used to doing for my family.

i feel so blessed that i am getting married to a really wonderful guy but i also know that getting married means that i will be leaving my family behind. sabi nga ni maye a couple of weeks ago when she realized that our wedding is only five months away, "ang bilis na! paano na yan, pag may naalala akong joke, kanino ko na sasabihin?" my mom also expressed a similar sentiment just last night, she asked, "paano na pag hindi ka na dito?"

maybe part of me feels worried, because aside from being OC, i am also a non-compuslive tagasalo, which means that i have the tendency to make salo people around me. but the larger part of me just feels sad that i am leaving home.

i remember when i went to canada, there was one time i talked to papa over the phone and i told him i missed him. he replied, "anak, miss na miss ka na rin namin dito. nung isang araw nga pumunta ako ng kwarto mo at umupo lang sa kama mo... mag-ingat ka diyan ha." i was crying while he was saying that. buti na lang he ended the conversation. sabi niya, "tama na nga yan, baka mag-iyakan pa tayo, baka maiyak pa ako." and then he laughed.

papa was right, tama na nga ito. siguro lang talaga mahirap pag may mga pagbabago sa buhay. in four months, i will be getting married. bagong buhay yun. siguro nga mahirap but i love bernard and i want to spend the rest of my life with him. although leaving home will be hard, i know that i'll enjoy married life. i also know that i can do this. with everything that mama and papa has taught me, mostly by example, i know that although married life will not be easy, bernard and i will make it.

wag po kayong mag-aalala, papa. mag-iingat po ako. alam ko rin po na aalagaan ako ni jojie katulad ng pag-aalaga niyo sa akin. thank you for everthing you have given me. i love you and mama so much.